Tuesday 26th February 2019
“The important thing is to stay positive” — Saku Koivu

There was no real respite today from the exhaustion but the day had it’s positives. It almost became “Two Nap Tuesday” but I think I’ll manage to dodge needing nap number two and go for the early night.

Much the same today in terms of how I felt. I woke about 8am, another 9 and half-ish hours sleep. I said I’d drop the kids at school so that would be a test of how I felt. There was a slight frost on the soft top of the car, so I put my bobble hat on to keep my head warm, it was cold ! I drove them the 0.3 miles to school, and the 300m walk from the car to the school door was really quite tiring. I was glad to be back at the car.

I braved nipping to the shop for a paracetamol stock up and some milk and necessities. I propped myself up with a trolley on the way around, and that helped but it was a knackering experience. No real improvement on yesterday. Back home and I just sat around in the back garden until lunchtime when I felt really quite hungry because I’d missed breakfast, going to the shop straight after the school drop off.

I’m still getting the dizziness when I stand up, although the ferocity has calmed a little. I was reading the list of symptoms from BEP again today, and I found a bit that specifically said “Do not get up too quickly, may cause fainting.” Although it’s hard to remember to get up “slowly” as you do what comes naturally. I can’t do much that requires movement or walking without sounding like an OAP, moaning and groaning and sighing through it because it’s a bloody effort. This is going on much longer than the last two cycles and doesn’t seem to be shifting. I’ve finished taking the Filgrastim injections this time around so maybe that will help.

Lunchtime came and I honestly couldn’t be bothered to cook despite having options, so I drove to the nearest fast food establishment and utilised the drive thru while I had an appetite, which has been iffy this last week. The weather was beautiful today, part of the attractiveness of buying food out was taking the car out with the roof down, it’s one of those small mental lifts on an otherwise crappy day. Certainly no bobble hat required by lunchtime, it got to about 18 degrees today ! I did consider just going for a short drive to pass some time but, yes, I couldn’t summon the physical or mental energy.

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I ate in the back garden, and come 1pm I was wiped out again and in need of a nap. I was almost nodding off sat on the chair, being kept company by the dog who likes sunbathing as much as the average beach goer. I got 2 very comfortable sun loungers last year and quite a few times I accidentally nodded off, so I got one out of the shed and had my afternoon nap outside today. I slept for about an hour and fifteen minutes, the sun moving behind the house woke me up because it suddenly got cold.

The kids came home and and did their reading, then we had a lasagna for tea when Jayne got home. I enjoyed mine thoroughly at the time, Luke and I had seconds, but now my stomach feels iffy yet again so I’ve taken an anti sickness tablet. I burped a bit of it up since and that’s as close to nausea as I want to get, or have been at any point. I can’t weigh up what’s going on with my appetite. Maybe I ate a little too much. Even when my stomach is iffy, I keep craving salted crisps though, and they go down well. I just have to remember to drink more afterwards.

After tea, about 7pm, I honestly could have napped again. I’m really tired. There’s no point though, as I won’t sleep later. I’ll muddle through and have an earlyish night.

There’s no end in sight to this yet, but as a couple of people have pointed out today, I can stay positive as usual because once this does lift, it’s the last low. I hope it shifts before my Friday Bleomycin shot though. I’ve never really gone into a Friday feeling unwell, although on the bright side, the Bleo shot doesn’t usually do anything noticeable. Eyes still on the prize, 10 days until my final treatment 🙂